Wednesday, October 27, 2010


So I have created this new blog to start a new journey. I am and always will be Elliot's mommy, but I am not the same person that started my other blog a year ago.

I was very angry and only used my words to express my anger, I am not angry anymore,. Ok, not as angry. I want to journal about my new journey, the other page belongs to Elliot and his memory. Not that Elliot won't be mentioned here, but like I said, this is definitely not the same angry mom writing that did before...Sometimes a clean start is the best start.

A lot has happened in the past few months. DH an I have both started new jobs. We work opposite hours of each other now, but it was a change that we, well I needed. I have discovered my shit limit. You know that limit that you reach and you are done....well not only have I found mine, I have lowered the bar. I will only put up with so much shit from anyone and I am not scared now, there really are more important things in life and I am just sorry it took losing Elliot to figure some of them out. AND I think everyone should find their "shit bar" and stick with it(it shouldn't be very high either) makes for a less stressful person.

So not only do we both have new jobs, but we are going to begin our journey with fertility treatment. On my next cycle, I will start 100mg of Clomid on days 3 - 7, then all of the pricking will begin...I will have to have tests done on day 14 and 21 to check hormone levels. I really don't mind shots or having my blood drawn, especially if the end result it what I want....LOL

DH has been traveling a lot, training for the new job which is going to make things a little difficult, plus with us working opposite shifts it won't be any easier.....but we have waited a year now, so what will be, will be, right?? (I wish I really believed that with 100% of my heart, I want to, I really do, and I figure if I say it enough I will believe it, it's worth a shot right.... :-))

I am planning for a pregnancy though, I know it's a little premature, but I am trying so hard to get things done around my house that have been neglected for the better part of a year, maybe longer and get bills in things don't need done in order for us to have a child, or to even welcome one in our house, but I am trying to do everything I can now to get rid of stress when/if I am pregnant. Being pregnant again is going to be very trying on my crazy, imaginative mind. I don't need to give it any fuel, worrying about things that are I am trying to rid anything trivial from life at the moment. A monumental task, but I am taking small steps to get it accomplished. This is another thing I recommend. I know you're thinking gosh, where did these balls come from? But in all honesty, there are some things in this world we can just live without. Sometimes we can't see it, but if you think hard enough, I am sure you to can come up with some "trivial" stuff to throw out....I did this about 6 months in regards to drama creating people in my life, deciding who made my life more complicated than it needed to be, and I haven't really made a second thought about them. It's funny my whole being is better, just by doing these little things and let me tell you, my mind is thanking me. That big ole mushy thing in my head doesn't constantly hurt anymore, oh and I seem to be less sick!!!

And if you are wondering about the title, I think it is quite clever. My nieces and nephews and some other special little ones call me Aunt B. A lot of family and friends call me B. And my mom calls me Beezer, don't ask, I have no clue, but it stuck. And a lot of the beginning of this blog will be about trying to bring another little one into our home, so there you have it,
"the birds and aunt b."

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